ON THE SOLOMON’S PARADOX
Have you ever thought about a situation in hindsight and realised that you made mistakes you would have seen and advised another person against? Well, you are not alone. This is a blind spot in human behaviour that psychologists call The Solomon Paradox — our tendency as humans to be wise in situations that are not personal to us but foolish when it is personal.
It is called the Solomon Paradox in reference to the Biblical King Solomon, who was probably the wisest man of his time, but his wisdom didn’t do him much good when it comes to his personal affairs.
As it was with him then, so it is with us also. This blind spot is why you see people make decisions they advise people against. And we fall into this trap because we lack wisdom. A lot of us read things and start sharing the knowledge, and this is good, we use our knowledge to help others. But that we have knowledge doesn’t mean that the knowledge has progressed into wisdom. Knowledge must be experiential before we can call it wisdom.
Unlike knowledge that can remain theoretical, wisdom is pragmatic. Wisdom is knowledge — tested and trusted — in action.
For one to navigate life’s complex challenges wisely, one must acknowledge the limitations of one’s wisdom. Igor Grossman put it this way: it requires transcending one’s egocentric point of view, recognizing the limits of one’s own knowledge, acknowledging others’ perspectives, and seeing circumstances in flux — all of which allow for a more complex understanding of social situations.
Seeing that we will always face difficult situations in life that will need us to make decisions that can affect the trajectory of our life, how do we escape the Solomon trap?
The number one thing to do is to learn the act of dissociating; self-distancing from the situation.
Transcending our egocentric limits sometimes means seeing the situation as an audience instead of the actual person involved. Take, for example, you caught your partner cheating. You might be tempted to make a rash decision which you’ll likely regret later.
So, why not slow down and take a walk away from the situation first? And then, flip the situation around and look at it from a third-party point of view. You can even create an hypothetical situation: if your friend comes to tell you his partner is cheating, what would you advise him to do?
When you dissociate before making a decision, the probability that you’ll make a decision that you won’t regret is now higher because, although you are hurting, you are now making a decision from the third-person perspective.
The idea behind this is to put aside ego when making important decisions, and to not be self-absorbed.
Wisdom doesn’t come with age, just like the ability to make good decisions does not come with grey hairs. It is a skill that must be learned and put into practice.
